About Me

I live with 4 roommates. Two of them are married (Mother and Father). The other two are Mother and Father's children, Boy (4 years old) and Girl (18 months). We all live with two dogs (Big and Small) and one big blue bean bag chair.

I am 35 years old and single. I am also fat and love Jesus. Sometimes I am lonely. Most of the time, I am not.

Hilarity ensues?

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There They Are

On Monday night, while I was at rehearsal, Boy hit his chin on the edge of a bookshelf and had to go to Urgent Care. He was running at full speed across the playroom (as is his habit) when he tripped. His wound was (Mother told me) almost as wide as it was long, and he had to get 9 stitches. The doctor said Boy was the best patient he'd ever had, but Mother came home concerned. "He was so blank," she said, "just completely compliant, as if he wasn't even there." When Boy knocked on my door the next morning, he told me first thing that he had hurt his chin and had had to go to the doctor. "Did it hurt?" I asked. "Yeah." He said. "But I was wheely, wheely bwave." During breakfast it seemed Boy was still in shock. He sat there eating his eggs and didn't once encourage Girl to make a bad decision. As much as meals with Boy and Girl are sometimes unpleasant due to tears of frustration (by Girl; WHY AM I LOCKED IN THIS CHA...
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Girl Laugh

Girl and I have a complicated relationship. Not only am I not Mother or Father, I also have a nose stud she can't touch, necklaces she can't put in her mouth, and hair too short to pull. This morning she wandered into the bathroom while I was brushing my teeth and gave my Sonicare the stink eye for the full two minutes (the vibration of the toothbrush has a pitch; it takes some getting used to). Sometimes when I come home from work and walk into the dining room, she is happy to see me. Sometimes when she sits on my lap to look at a book, she leans back against my chest, and let's me rest my cheek on her downy hair. Sometimes she is so mad I am not Mother or Father, I think she would punch me in the face if she had the strength. But I do have a belly that's soft like a bean bag chair onto which she loves to collapse when I am lying down, and I'm willing to put necklaces on Big Dog to make her laugh. Let's be honest: I would do just about anything to make Gi...
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Tonight, as I lay on the floor in my work clothes, Girl approached me and began gently stroking my calf. It seems, in her short life, she has never before had the opportunity to inspect legs wearing tights.
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